6 steps to handling rape and sexual trauma.

How long will our neighbourhood be unsafe again for the female child? Each day there is a case of rape assaults and all what most people do is to point accusing fingers at the victim or expect some form of defense from the victim. 

 
If the victim could have stopped the occurrence,they would have,without much effort? Do people even sit for a while to put themselves in the victim's shoes? Do they imagine the shock the victim is going through? 

Most people don't! All they care to say is that " she dressed inappropriately!" "She seduced him!" " she did this and she did that!"

These are all lies! Terrible lies. If seduction came from her, and she wants sex, then its no rape. But these victims were simply on their own, or fell into the hands of a rapist.

Rape assaults has increased over time. It's sad that some people still blame the victim for the occurrence without thinking for a second what situation the victim must have been in. Child upbringing is being addressed again especially to the male child.

I express my love to the victims. Together we can handle this.

Let's start off on what can help.

6 steps to handling rape and sexual assault. I know how hard this can be for you. I can imagine, at least, a portion of the pain if not all. I know being raped can cause a low self esteem and you might keep blaming yourself for all that happened.

But I assure you when you take these steps you will place yourself on the path to healing and heal yourself daily.

Before we begin the steps, here are some misconceptions about RAPE!

1) Rape is and shall always be a forced sex! As long as it was against your wish then its rape!


2) You can spot a rapist when you see them:

Wrong!!! Most of them are usually friendly, good looking and mostly people you trust. In the overall cases of rape 90% of female are raped and 9% of male are raped. In 8 out of 10 cases of rape, the victim knew the person who sexually assaulted them. So you see its not written on their faces.


3) It's no longer rape when you have had sex with the person: Hell no! Rape is a forced sex no matter who it's coming from, even if it's your spouse. As long as you didn't ask or consent to it. It's rape!


4) People who are raped asked for it through their dress and appearance: 

Who ever said this?! Dress half naked, dress modestly. Whichever way you dress doesn't give anyone the right to rape you. Your clothes don't define the actions of the rapist.


These are but a few misconceptions. I just want you to know that:
A) You weren't at fault!
B) Your dressing had nothing to do with the rape.
C) You can't spot a rapist!
D) Rape will always be a forced sex, nothing more or less!


Now that you are aware of these truths. Let's take a deep breath as we go ahead to take these life changing steps to healing!

1) Open up
I know it is extraordinarily hard to open up to someone even if we know the person. Because of the stigma, the hurt and they way others may begin to look at us. But all of that doesn't matter as regards your health and you will never start the healing phase if you don't open up. You need to set          the emotions free in your heart, lift out that heavy burden and share with trusted individual 

If you don't have anyone you trust, please see a therapist or call the rape center agent in your country. Opening up helps you feel calm and safe.Also consider being selective about whom you should talk to.


2) Begin to cope with the feeling of guilt and shame.
At this point, its very normal for you to feel this way. You are passing through truama and you will definitely get these feelings after the incident and even after some years. Just like popup ads, it will surface in some point of your life. Learning to cope with these feelings will do you great good than anyone can.

After rape incident, you will find yourself recalling the incident and you will begin to feel guilty of not being able to have done something to save yourself. You will also feel less of yourself. The shame will cause you to defame yourself.

At this point, you need to take control of your emotions. You were shocked when it all happened. Scientifically, the human brain becomes tensed or frozen when in danger. If you could have done anything at that moment, I bet you would have.


3)Prepare for flashbacks and upsetting memories

These moments are meant to come. Infact, expect them to come. Each time your body goes through a stress or an attack. It goes through a "flight or fight" mode. Then it returns back to normal or calms when the stress is over.

But trauma experiences such as rape causes the nervous system to be in a state of high alert. This makes you to be hyper sensitive, even to the smallest stimuli. And if your nervous system gets stuck in this state you will develop post-trauma stress disorder(PTSD), which can last much longer.

Anticipate these memories and pay attention to familiar scents, places and feelings. Pay attention to the body clue you have. Cause your body alerts you when you are stressed or feeling unsafe. So take notes of these things so that you can plan ways to overcome, control or tackle them when they arise.

When you notice this, please try to relax yourself. One quickest and safest way to calm your self is to slow down your breath and focus your thoughts on a good event.

Tips for handling flashbacks:

Tell yourself the flashbacks ain't real. Tell yourself you overcame it and you are safe and fine.


4) Reconnect to yourself (body and feeling).

You need to help your body feel and control the feelings it can arouse. As much as you want to avoid the triggers to the feeling, you can't do this totally as this would result to you being numb.

You can tell if you are numb when you are no longer self aware or conscious, when you are playing along with an activity when you are actually not there, using objects to make you feel pain because you are unconscious. Let's just say you could pass for a walking dead.

You don't want to get there. You shouldn't, its unhealthy.
You should try focusing on the present, enjoy fun and care more for your body. Once you are reconnected to your body, you will feel safe and good about yourself.

5) Stay connected.

You might not find it easy reconnecting with your body, but once you take that brave step, you should keep up with it and even extend the connection. Stay connected with your friends and families. Go out for wholesome activities. Stay with friends that will give you positive vibes and will help you have fun in a good way.

You can reconnect with old friends, make new ones. But you should be careful with the new ones you make. Live life to the fullest in a good safe way. 

6) Nurture yourself.
Healing from sexual trauma is a gradual process. Don't expect to take these whole steps once to experience a rapid and lasting change. These steps is a cycle. You go round it always for your healing, which will take time.

Nurturing yourself will include paying attention to your media intake, avoid things online that could trigger whatsoever feeling.

Nurture your physical appearance. Do workouts and eat healthy food. Take time to rest and restore your body balance. This is important. Avoid drugs and alcohol. They are dangerous to your health.

You are strong and can pass through this phase. You are beautiful so tell yourself everyday. To read more on how to handle sexual truama check out this link:https://g.co/kgs/7o4EBx

Comment your thoughts.